Friday, October 5, 2012


15 days ago, I had my fourth laparascopic surgery to remove endometriosis in my pelvic area.  I don't have my post-op appointment until next week, so I really don't know all of the details of the surgery (where they found the endometrial tissue, how much, etc.)

But I do know this--I've reached my breaking point. Ten years of pain, surgeries, doctors, different oral contraceptives, medical menopause, and more pain. In my pre-op appointment, my surgeon said "do you want more children?" and I told him yes, I want one more but that I need to wait until my husband is out of law school, to which he replied "well, you might consider getting your childbearing over with so that we can take out your uterus and eliminate the disease and the pain."

After the appointment, I told my husband what the surgeon said.  He's not the first doctor to tell me to have a hysterectomy. But I played it down--I felt like this surgery would be different and that I'd have time, like maybe 3 years to just hang with H before getting knocked up again.

Today is a different story. The pain is insurmountable. It hurts to move, to walk, to sit, to breathe. I had to shut my office door so I could cry, and then I thought to myself "Fuck it, I can't wait a few years. Maybe the best thing to do is to get the hysterectomy. We can always adopt." 

So that's where I am today. There's a lot going on with my body that is yucky and I'd rather not divulge the details, but it's gotten me to this point of hopelessness. It'll be interesting to see what the doctor says next week at my follow-up appointment.  It'd be great if he had answers, but somehow I have a feeling that I'll leave with not much more than the option to do medical menopause again, get loaded on pain pills, have a kid asap and then do the hysterectomy, or just go ahead with the hysterectomy now.

It's days like this when I wish I was a dude and didn't have to put up with this shit.

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